The holiday guilt

  Gone are the days where i could just browse for a last minute holiday and only think about myself. In fact gone are the days where I can just do anything and only think of myself, never mind a bloody holiday! 

Having recently just spent a week in Ibiza with the girls, I honestly thought I had escaped the parental guilt. You know that horrible feeling you get when you start to think ‘should I be going on a girls holiday when I have kids?’ Or ‘maybe I should have booked Disney instead?’. But I hadn’t escaped it. It just arrived a week later. Not sure if it was a combination of holiday blues and a large dose of reality, or whether it’s just something that happens to all parents, but I did not like it. Not one bit. 

For a start, being a parent is bloody hard work. I praise the woman that manage to work and look after their kids because I struggle just staying at home. I’m exhausted pretty much all of the time, the kids NEVER stop. They are just mini whirlwinds trying to destroy the flat within an inch of its life. Most days I’m just glad that we’re all still in one piece and making sure that happens is a job within itself. 

I’ve never been on a girls holiday before, and I really really needed a break. I wanted a proper lie in and to just be able to do what I wanted, when I wanted. And that’s exactly what I did. It took a year to plan and save. Finding that kind of money was difficult, but we managed and once I got over the stress from buying all my holiday clothes and sorting out my spends, I did thoroughly enjoy myself once I got there. I Felt like I bonded with all my girls again, and most importantly I felt refreshed when I got back (as much as you can do after staying out till 7am partying). 

I missed the kids and Sean terribly of course, but didn’t feel the guilt. But then I started feeling guilty that I didn’t feel guilt and thus a viscous circle began. It all became a little too much a couple of days upon my return. To the point where I just felt like shutting myself off from the world for a while, until I felt normal again. And until some kind of normal routine was back in place at home. You know what it’s like when the kids routine changes, takes ages to get back into the swing of it. And there’s lots of tears and tantrums along the way. But the holiday was still worth feeling like that. I know it’s not just me who feels like this. I’ve had a few messages since being back from Ibiza, asking if I felt guilty being away from the children. So it must just be a part of parenthood. 

But why do we as parents feel like if we have a life outside of our children, it’s something to feel guilty about? Because it’s not, we are entitled to have some alone time. We are entitled to still have fun. It doesn’t mean we love our children any less because we fancy a holiday or some time away with friends or our partners. 

After all, we deserve it.